Dangerous Radical Free Flow

This is my Vision Map for 2009. (Click on it and it will explode.) I created this along with a cadre of men I led through the BraveHeart Intensive early in the year. Every man creates a map like this and we use it as a tool to access each man's deeper passions, values and God-inspired desires. I use it, also, to help me name a Theme around which to build the coming year.

My theme for the year was Dangerous, Radical Free Flow. I wanted to immerse myself in the "Wild Good" of the Spirit of God, to follow the Spirit boldly and immediately, moment to moment...to find the paths, the choices, the places where God's love beckoned me out of my comfort zone and into a Dangerous, Radical, Free Flow of Life. To inspire my soul toward this end, I meditated on a video that captured for me the wildness of my desire. I even created a Ning site to find others of my tribe who desired the same. (Are you one of the Dangerous Radical Free?)

And now, it's December. As I look back over the past 12 months, I ask the inevitable question: How'd I do?

My honest answer: Not bad. I did press in to many arenas more boldly than I ever have before. Some of them led to success, some to failure, but all of the paths I took were transformational, both for me and those around me. I sought out and dove into the Wild Good, many times, opting not to play it safe, to take the more dangerous way--not for the sake of danger but for the sake of the True Life found in God. And yet, at times I still held back...pressing in, but not all the way; daring to act, but not as boldly as I knew I could.

This much is certain: I went much further for having a theme than I would have gone without it. Tonight I'll be meeting with a new cadre of men to choose a new life theme for 2010. I already have a sense of what that theme will be, something to do with the cultivation of joy in my life. What about you? Do you know what you want the theme of your life to be in 2010? Here are a few questions that may help you name it:

• What would you love to see happen in your life in 2010?
• What struggle or obstacle would you love to finally overcome?
• What new territory needs to be explored?
• What are the things you must do in 2010 to move your life forward in the direction of your deepest heart desires?
• Based on your responses to these questions, what do you want the Theme of your life to be in 2010?
  

Feel free to post your thoughts in the comments...

When Worlds Collide

We are so quick to judge...so painfully quick to flip the switch and watch another soul twitch and writhe under the electric righteousness of our reasoned assessment. Only it is not Reason at all that makes us think we know the deep truth of another person's heart. It is rather, I think, a kind of bravado, born of fear, which itself springs from our own penchant for self-rejection. We do not give love to others because we have not yet learned how to receive God's love for us, and call it true.

Yet "to the pure, all things are pure" (Titus 1:15). I love Merton's comment on this: "I realize what we all are. And if only everybody could realize this! But it cannot be explained. There is no way of telling people that they are all walking around shining like the sun!" And Lewis, too, when he writes: "There are no 'ordinary' people. You have never talked to a mere mortal."

We are, each one of us, a universe of wonder, deeply flawed to be sure, unfinished certainly...but still a master work of art of God's own making. We are with Him, partnered, co-creating who we are and will be. As such, we are tourists to one another. I do not know what lies in your deep heart any more than I know what it is to be Nepalese or see the world through the eyes of a Masai tribesman in South Africa.

Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:29-32)

May God help us all be better tourists with one another, especially when our worlds collide.

Raising Up Tribal Leaders

The culture has gone tribal. Have you noticed? (If not, read this book. Watch this video. And this one too. It's important for all of us to know the times in which we find ourselves.) These are exciting times for leaders and systems thinkers. We are in the middle of a dramatic cultural shift, brought on by the infusion of the internet into our collective bloodstream, coupled with the failure of the (newly) old hierarchical systems that have not delivered the quality of life and purpose and meaning that they promised. Some would even call it revolution.

This change is obvious to most of us. But, ironically, there is one group (in truth, a tribe unto themselves) who are slow to see the shift, and may never see it, not even after their own kingdoms fail: Our current leaders. Not all, of course. But many in positions of power and influence within the hierarchical cultural paradigm do not see the cultural transformation happening all around them. They are locked into a current way of seeing the world, and cannot see beyond it. They see things like The Beckoning of Lovely or Nerdfighteria or the rise of Ning-based communities in general and do not recognize the implications of what this means for us as a culture. And what it means for leadership in this brave new world.

Seth Godin has it right. The culture is forming into tribes and those tribes are on the hunt for leaders of a different kind...leaders whose mandate is not to stand above and point the way, but to stand beneath and hold up the community he or she serves. It is leadership built on right-brain skills rather than left (see Daniel Pink's terrific book, A Whole New Mind, for more on this), on the capacity to listen and follow more than the capacity to know and direct.

So those of us who are tasked, by profession or calling, to develop new leaders, must face the fact that our old systems for raising up and training leaders no longer apply. The question is no longer, "How do we make a company president or a church pastor (in the old organizational sense)?" But rather, "How do we create a tribal leader?" The change in terminology alone points to a radically different approach.

The leader-developers who will succeed in this new venture are the ones who are most willing to chuck their sacred cows (I speak here of structures and methodologies, not of core values or beliefs), and take on the Beginner's Mind, to humble themselves and let the tribe they wish to serve teach them the sort of leader it wants for itself...and then create new approaches for developing people into that.

Who We Might Have Been

Hot coffee in hand. Leather-bound journal, and pen. The candle is lit for my predawn meditation. I lean out into the world and think of all the people who never spend time in this way; who never slow down enough to see anything clearly. As Saint Augustine said: "People travel to wonder at the height of the mountains, at the huge waves of the seas, at the long course of the rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars, and yet they pass by themselves without wondering."

My thoughts run today toward the sorrow of unlived lives. The people we could have been, might have been, wanted to be...if only something or someone somewhere along the way hadn't jacked us up...if only we'd been encouraged to live free, given half a chance to dare to believe...if only...

What is your "If only..."? What is your unlived life?

I'm reminded of the words of George Eliot, so simple and profound they inspired the dedication at the start of my novel, Waymaker: "It's never too late to be who you might have been." I dare to believe that is true, new every morning.

The light of morn is still not upon me, but I know the clouds are there, holding their collective breath, their artful forms waiting to be awakened by the gold warmth of dawn. They declare the glory of God regardless of who is watching. They do not care whether you see them. But still, they need the sun's fire to give them life, to make them dance.

May you feel the heat of God today, awakening your soul to the life that might yet be yours.

One-Line Movie Reviews

Somebody recently asked me what movies I've seen lately, and I honestly couldn't think of a single one (which may be a commentary on the quality of movies these days, or on my memory; I'm not sure which). So I went to Netflix and looked them up. Here's my one line review of the last several I've seen:

Everything Is Illuminated -- Good, interesting, foreign-type film, stars Elijah Wood

The Mutant Chronicles -- Do not dare see this. Spare yourself. I still can't believe I watched the whole thing.

Knowing -- Pretty good. Better than I expected, actually, given that it stars Nicholas Cage and I don't like his acting much, and his voice makes me want to rip my ears off.

Battlestar Galactica: The Plan -- Hate to say it, but I was disappointed by this one. Not up to BSG standards. See previous rant on the subject.

Mirrors -- Horror flick. I don't like horror flicks. I didn't realize it was a horror flick when I rented it. Watched it anyway. Reconfirmed that fact that I don't like horror flicks.

Darfur Now -- Definitely worth watching. Like, Now.

Blindness -- Interesting but very disturbing film. There's a graphic rape scene in it. I couldn't watch that part, but the very fact it was in the story line made me feel uneasy for days.

Snatch -- No.

Inkheart -- Good, clean family fun.

House of D -- Take it or leave it. Mostly, I'd leave it.

Once -- Another foreign-ish, indie film. I really liked it. Slow paced, but interesting. Good music.

Push -- Great. Right up my sci-fi geek alley.

Burn After Reading -- Off beat, weird. Dark humor. Not bad.

He's Just Not That Into You -- Good one.

State of Play -- Good thriller flick.

Wolverine -- People say it sucked, but I heard that so much that by the time I got it I was expecting something awful. I was delightfully surprised. It's much better than awful.

On The Verge of a Breakthrough

by Guest Blogger Shannon Bruce, my friend and fellow life coach.

Do you sense you’re on the verge of a breakthrough, as if something new is about to emerge? Are you overwhelmed by the internal chaos, unable to stay focused? Perhaps external factors, like the demands of your family, expectations of others and financial obstacles are clouding your vision, keeping you from finding your true path?

You might be shocked by what I’m about to say because it’s counter to what you are probably feeling inside and seeing around you. The truth is that the internal chaos and clouding of your vision are good signs that you are evolving to a new level, where more of your authentic life and bigger game live.

Can this be? Really? I know it’s hard to believe especially when you are far from the internal peace you long for and your current impact is less than what you imagined you’d offer to others. To put this in perspective, think about the natural evolution of the caterpillar who goes through a painful struggle and fight to become the beautiful butterfly it’s meant to be.

This powerful reminder of nature’s breakthrough process is true for you as a human, as long as you make the decision to say “yes." The only difference between you and the butterfly is the power to choose. The caterpillar automatically goes through the process without question, while you on the other hand have the right to decide.

This point of choice is a crossroads of sorts. You can choose to go back to the comfort zone where you know what to expect out of life even though it may not serve your bigger game, or you can say “yes” to the life you desire and are destined to live.

When you say “yes,” here are three tips that will help you jump into your bigger game:

• Be prepared for the discomfort. As you let go of the behaviors, activities and thoughts that keep you stuck, you will feel unsettled, and perhaps angry or disappointed. This is a normal part of the process of letting go so you can get beyond your comfort zone into what’s coming. Fear is also a part of the experience so expect it. And to move through it, remind yourself that courage means “acting in spite of the fear.”
• Find a mentor. This is a wild adventure that you don’t want to go on alone. Find others who are committed to living authentically and get support from them. This is the time to find your inner circle and connect with them as they remind you of who you are and what’s possible as you stand firm on the path forward.
• Focus on the “what” rather than the “how.” Begin to dream about what you desire on the other side of the breakthrough. How will your life be different? What will you be experiencing internally? What is happening externally? Keep your thoughts here because as soon as you attempt to figure out “how” to make it happen it will shut down your ability to vision and dream. Connecting with your heart’s desires about what’s on the other side will give you the courage to stay the course and help you persevere.

This is not an easy process and it’s worth the investment. What awaits you on the other side is the freedom, joy and life that comes as you flit and float about as the beautiful butterfly you are meant to be.

Will you say “yes” to becoming a butterfly? Remember Helen Keller’s words, “Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.”

Feel free to share how you navigate life when you’re going through this transition phase. Share your comments below or at Shannon's blog.

Soul Fuel

There are currently three daily practices that I consider essential to keeping my soul fueled and my heart fully awake and alive: Spending time alone with God in the morning; eating healthily and exercising my body during the day; and practicing my guitar in the evening before bed.

Unfortunately, right now I am doing only one of these well. My time alone with God each morning feels like breathing to me; it's so automatic I no longer have to think about doing it. I just do it.

The other two practices--living healthily and playing my guitar--feel more like war. Distractions, interruptions, waning motivation, frustration, and a host of other "-tion" words like that, all conspire on a daily basis to disconnect me from what's important to the vitality of my soul. Instead, I chase after the trivial and the urgent. And, at day's end, not surprisingly, my soul feels overdrawn. I actually start to die a little each day I don't live true to my heart.

Jesus once asked, "What does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his soul?" (Mark 8:36). I'm reminded again today of the imperative necessity of refusing to sacrifice the life and vitality of your soul for the urgent or the trivial. The spiritual practices that renew & refuel your soul are not luxuries; they are essential to life. In fact, without them, you soon find yourself in the numbing and confusing place of looking as though you are still living, but having lost all connection with what "being fully alive" is, or even means.

Don't be tempted by the shiny apple
Don't you eat of its bitter fruit
Hunger only for a taste of justice
Hunger only for a world of truth
'Cause all that you have is your soul
--"All That You Have is Your Soul" by Tracy Chapman

What "daily practices" do you do to keep your soul refueled and fully alive? How do you deal with the inevitable distractions that try to draw your focus away to the trivial and the urgent?

What Will You Sacrifice for a Steady Paycheck?

SoulPancake recently asked, "When was the last time you cast your dreams aside for a steady paycheck?"

The responses tell the story.

Read them here.

How many people choose security over LIFE! I'm reminded of the words of Helen Keller:

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure."

What do you think? Why does pursuing your creative passion and pursuing financial stability always seem to be at odds with each other? Which path have you chosen to follow, and why?

(image "swirls-to-suits" by Matt Goold, courtesy of SoulPancake)

What'cha Readin'?

My friend Don recently asked me what I've been reading lately...or more specifically "What's smacking you in the head and the heart?" I thought I'd share my reply:

Right now I'm reading Presence, a book about how profound change happens in people, organizations and nations. Absolutely fascinating stuff. That's where my faith is taking me a lot these days, gleaning/filtering deep learning & wisdom from sources many followers of Christ tend shy away from. I love it.

I also recently read Switch: How to Make Change Happen When Change is Hard, which is not actually out yet (I got an advance copy), and which was downright brilliant. I promised not to write anything about what's in it until Jan 2010, but I'm sure you're noticing the theme. :) I'm exploring the mechanics of life transformation in order to understand better and be more intentional about bringing it to people, both in- and outside the 4 walls of the church.

On a completely different note, I recently finished The Sparrow, a sci-fi novel, which was an absolutely stunning exploration of what happens when faith in God is tested to the extreme. The protagonist in the story is a Jesuit priest on a "first contact" mission to an alien world. I'm looking forward to reading book 2 in the series (Children of God) as soon as I'm done with Presence.

A few books I ended up skimming for their lackluster content: Wild Goose Chase (which is an okay book but is largely written to 20-somethings in the early stages of their journey. It wasn't challenging enough for me); and The Leadership Engine (which is a fine exploration of the "factory/assembly line" model of leadership development, but I believe that model is well on its way out, and being replaced by a "tribal" model).

What books have been "smacking you in the head and the heart lately?"

I Don't Know, What are YOU Doing?! Geez...

You know what my problem is? I never learned to think in soundbites. I don't mine "nuggets" of insight or appreciation or observation that can be easily passed along in 300 word blog entries or 2:27 minute videos on Youtube; I excavate entire mountains. Perhaps (he realizes suddenly...duh!) that's why I write books. I think in books.

So this whole TwitFaceBlog thing has me stymied most of the time. I don't know where to begin. Or where to stop. Am I the only one? Hello?

I was encouraged to hear Donald Miller say at a conference last week that it's a lot more work for him to write a single blog post than it is to write an entire chapter of a book. Hah! So there! If NY Times bestselling author Donald Miller has trouble figuring out this whole webernet presence thing, perhaps it's not so nuts that I do too.

What about you? Do you wrestle with how to engage authentically with a blog or facebook or twitter? What have you found that works for you? I'm all ears on this one.

p.s. -- the irony has not escaped me that this post is under 300 words.

This Plan Sucks

I finally watched Battlestar Galactica's "The Plan" a few nights ago, an I gotta tell ya', I really wanted to like it. I really really did. I'm a huge BSG fan(atic) and have loved studying the craft of storytelling at the virtual feet of Ronald D. Moore.

But this Plan sucked.

Oh where to begin? Ok, first, it had holes, and most unfortunately in this case, the holes had names. Where was the President for frak's sake? Not a single scene. Granted, this was about the cylons not the colonists but c'mon...a story where one of the chief antagonists (from the cylon perspective) never even makes an appearance? And where was the 3, Diana? A brief blip of her from a previous episode and that's it? Guys, if you couldn't get all the key players on the stage, why'd you put on the play?




Plus, the story was, at best, lackluster. A retrospective, maybe. Hardly up to the standards I've come to expect from Ron.

Now, here's the Plan I would have loved to have seen:

Start at the arrival of the final five, during the first cylon war. Show how they arrived, how the cylons received them, how they brokered the deal with the cylons to stop the war, how the cylons went on to become human(esque?). Show us the genesis of the dynamic between Cavil and his creators (especially Ellen), how the Plan first emerged in Cavil's mind. And for God's sake, show us Daniel!...and the dynamic between him and Cavil that led to Daniel's demise. Show us how the other cylon models were made to know nothing of the final 5, how Cavil got away with all that. Show us how, when and where Cavil placed the final 5 on Caprica (or other worlds) and why he chose the locations he did. Show us how Cavil convinced the rest to commit genocide.

And once the genocide was decided, do NOT tell us that the Plan was to wipe out the entire human race. It's MUCH more interesting to hear that the cylon's intention was to keep a portion of humanity alive, under control, as test subjects. The cylons couldn't procreate, remember? They needed humans to figure out how to fix that. So they wanted some humans to survive...it's just that they didn't expect Galactica to survive. So they were trying to destroy the Galactica, so they could collect the rest of the humans and use them as they pleased. (That would also explain, by the way, why there were survivors on Caprica that the cylons didn't seem overly concerned with wiping out.)

And while you're at it, please, oh please, tell us why the episode "33" happened the way it did. For frak's sake, why 33 minutes? What took 33 minutes? It's crazymaking.

I did appreciate some of the other story holes you filled in. Like with the Simons, and the Leobens. But the 5s (poor Aaron Doral) was underserved in a big way. I think it was a mistake to make him a "dunce." These were the most advanced machines ever conceived. Making one an idiot served only to make them all seem trite. You could've and should've crafted a story for the 5 that explained his actions from a place of brilliance rather than stupidity.

BSG, as a series, is brilliant. Honestly, the most brilliant television show I've ever seen. That's what makes The Plan so much more of a disappointment.

Rant complete. End of line.

Quick Update on the New Website

Here's a quick peek behind the curtain of Josh Tilton's latest stuff on the new michaelwarden.com website.

This is just a little snippet from the page, but the unveiling will come in just a few months.

Click on the photo to see a bigger image.

Go Josh go!

Freshurious

Something is changing. A veil is falling. A mantle is lifting. My life has an unexpected fresh scent, like the air after a sudden Spring shower. There is sorrow in it as well--a leaving of sorts. A letting go and setting aside. No--this: A laying down of the burden. Even such a weight as I have lovingly carried for my mom for so long must be grieved.

I was sharing this with my friends at Brilliant Chaos Online last week and told them that I needed a new word to describe this transition. After much verbal wrangling, we came up with "freshurious"...an adjective describing the fresh sense I have of the world, my curiosity for all this newness, subtle but profound, and my sense of sureness that all of it, however unfamiliar, is right and good.

So it's definitely a freshurious time for me. And I am also reminded by this word of another core reality of life: that everything is developmental. Everything that happens in our lives, whether we label it good or bad, presents an opportunity to choose transformation. To be more than you were before it came.

In my desire to experience transformation in the midst of my grief and the changing winds of my life, I am collecting questions to explore, questions that begin to approach the heart of the change that may be trying to happen. Maybe one or more of these will strike a chord with your own life as well:

• What kind of life would you want for yourself if no one else got to vote?
• What is your heart's desire for how your story will unfold from here?
• What is the untold storyline within your soul that most wants to be released?
• What do you need to let go of in order to create what's next?
• What does it mean to be dangerous, radical & free now?

I'm curious--how would you answer these questions for yourself? Pick one (or more) and feel free to share in the comments. I'm looking here, and invite you to join me.

I'm Back...and this is Cool!

I'm gingerly stepping back into my work after taking the past week off to be with family, and already I'm feeling the excitement about all that's happening right now. I'll fill you in on all of it in the coming posts, but one cool thing in my sites right now is The Destiny Project course, which is about to take a leap into a larger sphere of impact.

For those who don't know, the DP (as we affectionately call it around here) is an 8 week communal journey for women to help them name and design their life around their unique core purpose & identity as followers of Christ. The whole thing happens via teleconference, so women get to go through this journey together from the coziness of their own home. It's a powerfully transformational experience. Here's what just a few of women who've taken the course have to say about it:

"Thank you so much for the opportunity to experience God's love in such an amazing and transformational experience. I will treasure the eight weeks and the beautiful women who participated with me in the Destiny Project for the rest of my life. The Destiny Project is an important part of God's plan for my life. Through this journey, I am maturing and growing into the beautiful and spirit led warrior for Christ that He is calling me to be."—Denise Delacruz, IL

"Being a part of the Destiny Project for women has been one of the most transformative experiences of my life. I’ve achieved success in the past and accomplished many things but it was always measured by what I was “doing” and achieving. I needed coaching on the “being” part of me, and the Destiny Project offered this in an amazing way. I have learned how to be present in my life and I now come from a filled and peaceful place. Through understanding my identity in Christ and my unique life’s mission, I have a sense of power that comes from place of deep peace and rest. What I do now is aligned with who God has created me to be and what His plans are for my life."—Kimberly Maeder, TX

(You can read more testimonials here.)

All that to say, God is all over this thing. We currently have 7 facilitators for the course from all around the country. Each one is an experienced certified coach and devoted Christ follower. And we want to expand the reach of the course much much farther. But we've had some trouble with that for a couple of reasons. One, we're committed to finding only the best facilitators for this work, and so we've been careful (read that: slow) to bring on new facilitators until we're certain they're a good fit. And two, the nature of the course works best with small groups (6-9 women per course), so we have limited bandwidth to accommodate all the women that want to take the course.

But after months of prayer and conversation and research, we're finally seeing a way forward to expand the reach of the course and impact many more women in 2010. No need to go into detail at this point, but the broad strokes are that we've settled on a way to restructure to allow our network of facilitators to expand significantly, and we've found some awesome contacts out there who are raving fans of the work and have access to larger groups of women nationwide. We're also planning to create a retreat version of the course for women who would prefer to go through the experience in that context.

I'm excited about the possibilities and welcome your prayers as our team takes the DP to the next level in the coming months.

Oh, and to see a list of some of our facilitators, just click here. (The bio for our newest facilitator, Debbie Starr, is not yet posted. But you'll love her; she's awesome!)

On Mom's Passing...

Thanks to all for the amazing love and support my family and I have felt this past week since my Mom's passing. One friend of mine commented this past week how grief can be such a "sweet sorrow." In Mom's case, that's certainly true. She was ready to go home; had been for some time.

I'm stretching a bit out of my comfort zone here, but wanted to share with you all something I wrote in my journal the morning after Mom passed, perhaps as a part of my own grief process:

My mother died on a sunny Saturday afternoon.

10-17-09
Time of death: 12:30 pm

It was Autumn, which in Texas means simply that it was not as hot, and the skies were very blue that day, without a single cloud. I noticed this, paid special attention, wondering how God would set the stage for Mom's crossing to Him. I know He thought about such things for the simple reason that I did, and how could I be more compassionate, more sensitive to my mother's circumstance than God is? I liked the clear skies, the lack of wind, the not too hot. Mom hated weather of any kind--even a stiff breeze could keep her home when she had errands to run. And so He made it very still, and swept the sky of every hint of rain. The sun was high in all his glory, the welcoming door flung open wide. He was ready for his little girl to come home.

I was happy for her.

I did not know this at first, not until several hours after she had passed and I could find a name for the tears rolling down my cheeks. But I was very happy for my mother's death. Not the death itself--that part is sad beyond explaining, like seeing your mother disappear behind a door as it closes, knowing it will never be opened again. But my loss is her joy, and this is what makes me happy, because I know what lives on the other side, and, more importantly, Who.

The dementia that for so many months had ravaged her mind and stole her dignity, is gone. Her mind is clear again. And she can hear! My mother, who had been deaf for decades, and hated every second of that state...can hear again. Who knows what a joy that must be to her.

No more dizziness, or weakness in her limbs. No more disease at all. My Father's little girl, the one who was my mother here on earth, is finally free. Finally home.

At last, she knows.

And I am happy for her.

This is Mom's song to me--a poem of her that has become very dear in recent weeks and now, I know, will be with me for life.

Farewell Letter

She wrote me a letter after her death,
and I remember a kind of happy light
as I sat by the rose tree
on her old bench by the back door
so surprised to receive it
wondering what she would say
looking up before I could open it
and laughing to myself in silent expectation.

Dear son
it is time for me to leave you
the words you are used to hearing,
are no longer mine to give.
You can only hear those words of motherly
affection now from your own mouth
and only for those who stand
motherless before you.

As for me I must forsake adulthood
and be bound gladly to a new childhood.
You must understand
this apprenticeship demands
of me an elemental innocence
from everything I have ever held in my hands.

I know your generous soul
is well able to let me go
You will in the end be happy to know
my God was true
and that after so many years
of loving you so long
I find myself in the wide, infinite mercy of being
mothered myself.

P.S. All of your intuitions were true.

(David Whyte – A great poet. I highly recommend his work. Get it here.)

Seth Godin on Tribal Leadership

Of course, I can't talk about tribal leadership without talking Seth Godin...

See previous post, and this TED vid, in which Seth explains what a tribe is, why they matter, why anyone can lead a tribe, and why you should be doing so now.

The way we create change in the world, says Seth, has changed. We used to do it through factories & industry, and then, later, through marketing and television. But now, we create change through leadership. In other words, through you.

Intrigued? You should be. Enjoy!



What are you taking away from watching Seth's talk? Post a comment, I'd love to hear from you.

The 5 Stages of a Tribe

Now here's a great TED talk that any leader of groups would benefit from checking out. In it, David Logan (a USC faculty member, best-selling author, and management consultant) shares research that identifies the 5 Stages of a Tribe...with "tribes" defined as groups of 20 to 150 people that in one way or another "do life" together...perhaps through work, through church, through neighborhood, or through affinity (as in the "Dippers" tribe on YouTube. Warning: this is funny, but also gross.) Check it...



The 5 Stages Logan identifies:

Stage 1: Life Sucks! -- When people form tribes around their common disdain for life.

Stage 2: My Life Sucks! -- When people form tribes around their common hatred of their own lives or situations.

Stage 3: I'm great; you're not. -- The most abundant tribal form, common in executive offices, bowling teams and Neighborhood parties...anytime people gather around some common quality or experience but focus their energy on comparison & competition with other tribe members.

Stage 4: We're great! -- When people transcend individualism and see themselves as a part of a positive thriving cooperative community.

Stage 5: Life is great! -- When Stage 4 tribes move past the awesomeness of their own community to focus on creating beauty in the world. These tribes, says Logan, represent only about 2% of all tribes on earth and are the ones that create the most positive change in the world.

I was immediately struck by some personal observations while watching Logan's presentation:

• I have never been a part of a Stage 1 or Stage 2 tribe. Have you?
• We're all looking for a Stage 4 tribe. Very few of us ever find it.
• Although we're all looking for a Stage 4 tribe, what the world really needs are a lot more Stage 5 tribes.
• Churches, Synagogues, Mosques, temples are all supposed to be hubs for Stage 4/Stage 5 tribes. Most, however, are probably Stage 3 or even Stage 2. Which begs the questions: "How can we move an entire tribe (or network of tribes) from Stage 3 to Stage 4? And then from Stage 4 to Stage 5?" To me, this is the essence of the goal we have in mind when we talk about "culture change"--whether that's in a family, a community, a church, or a nation.
• I am currently a part of at least two Stage 5 tribes. And for that, I am extraordinarily thankful.

What stage is your tribe in?

7 Common "Ego Traps" for Leaders: Trap #7

Ego Trap #7: "Power Trippin'"

Well, pretty much no leader I know would believe he or she is on a power trip. But then, I guess that's what makes it a trap.

The trap might be easier to connect with if we took out the word "power" and replaced it with "influence," "impact," or even "leadership." See, the trap is not to have influence or impact--we all want those as leaders. (Heck, that's what we're in it for!) The trap comes when we get a little too enamored with the level of influence we have. We see that our words carry weight; we notice how people revere us, how they really stop and listen when we have something to say. And we start trippin' on that. It's a rush, after all, when people genuinely respect you, when they look to you for leadership. But it starts moving into the trap zone when you start getting a little too juiced by your own brilliance. Instead of loving the people you lead, you start loving the effect you have on them. And that is a very very dangerous and potentially destructive road. Just ask Jim Jones.

As with all the other traps, avoiding this one all comes back to humility. Leadership is not about you; it's about them. The best leaders know that leadership is about serving, not ruling. And if you happen to be a leader with a lot of influence, what of it? In the end, your leadership will not be measured by how much influence you had over how many people, but by what you did with the influence you were given.

The Word Within, Chapter 1, Part 3

The Word Within, Chapter 1, part 3 is now online at the Pearlsong blog.

As requested, paragraph markers have been added.

Let me know what you think!

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7 Common "Ego Traps" for Leaders: Trap #6

Ego Trap #6: "I work hard at what I do, and I deserve the financial rewards that come with it."

OK, that's true. No argument here. But something happens to some leaders around the issue of money & possessions...something that goes beyond a healthy sense of the value you bring as a leader. We've all seen it...with the leaders of Enron, for example, and other CEOs who've been caught money grabbing even when the thousands who work for them are losing their shirts. We've also seen it with some religious leaders, who milk followers for donations that ultimately go toward a yacht or a second home in the Bahamas. Something about money, or the love of it, ensnares the ego of some--and blinds them to the ludicrous hypocrisy that takes over their lives.

From the book, Heroic Leadership, I learned of a story that the Jesuits use in training their novices. The story is about three different men who each come into a huge windfall of money, and their subsequent reactions to the influx of such prodigious wealth. All three feel uncomfortable with their new status at first, but soon the money begins to intoxicate their desires and before long it begins to feel impossible for the men to imagine their life without the money. The first two men do little or nothing to try to rid themselves of the money that now has them in its grip. And, as this story is a lesson in piety, we expect the third man to deny the seduction of the money by giving it all away to the poor and rejoicing over his deliverance from the trap.

But he doesn't give the money to the poor. In fact, he doesn't get rid of the money at all. Instead, he gets rid of his attachment to it. He dies to self (ego) "in such a way that there remains no inclination either to keep the acquired money or to dispose of it."

The point of the parable? The money is not the issue. The attachment to it is.

The Jesuits call it cultivating an attitude of "indifference." I might also call it being "unattached" or "holding things loosely." I actually love the imagery conjured by the words: Free vs. Attached. I saw a movie recently, called Jumper, in which the main character could instantly transport anywhere in the world just by picturing the location in his mind. The only way to trap him was to physcially "attach" him to a huge structure, like a building--something that was too weighty for him to transport with him. He was literally held captive by the things he was attached to.

There's nothing inherently wrong with getting paid well for what you do, or enjoying the benefits of that wealth. But there is something very wrong with needing to be rich or using wealth as definitive proof that you are a success. If our culture has a dominant ego trap, this is it...which makes it the most difficult one for us to see in ourselves. So before we go pointing fingers at the rich and saying they're the problem, keep in mind that compared to the rest of the world, you are the rich. And besides, you don't have to be wealthy to be ruled by the love of money.

The Apostle Paul spoke about this trap in a letter he wrote to the church in Philippi:

"For I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:11-13).

I think Paul is describing what it looks like to live free...unattached to either riches or poverty, to either fame or obscurity. But in whatever circumstance, fully abandoned to God, who alone is the Source of true freedom.

"For if the Son will set you free, you will be free indeed" (John 8:16).